♥

I've been wanting to write a blog for weeks now.. I've been putting it off because there is just so much I can put into this one blog, and I was trying to figure out the way I was going to put it all together. I still haven't figured it out.. so here goes nothing.

This summer has been wonderful and devastating.. I love where my life is going and where I am headed. The summer camp I've been working at has been almost life changing, I have met amazing people there coworkers and campers. I have now figured out I am exactly where I need to be. I love that I have come to realize that you really can change a person's life with just a smile and a hug. This camp couldn't have been in my life in more a perfect time. I needed it to keep my spirits up as well....

After working 2 weeks at camp, I went back to my apartment in Columbus and literally passed out.. I had went to Cincinnati to my 1st Reds game right after camp, AMAZING game to say the least, with great friends. =) I drove home and passed out.. I had only gotten 5 hours of sleep the night before and drove from columbus to Cincinnati with no nap! Very long day.. I woke 7 hours later and had this weird feeling that I needed to call my mom.. I usually call her everyday when I wake up, but something was telling me to call her urgently. I called her and we talked about the usual.. what she had done all week while I was at camp and all that jazz.. and then suddenly she stopped asking questions and sighed.. and she started off saying well I have to tell you something and I've been keeping it off for a couple days because you were at camp and you went to that game with your friends and I didn't want to upset you.. and all of these thoughts flooded my mind, and I was stricken with panic. 1st thing that came to mind was her saying that my grandpa had passed away, because his health hasn't been the best. But she started off the sentence with my Grandma Irene, and I was so confused. She said a bunch of stuff that I didn't really listen to because there were so many things racing through my brain at the moment. The only sentence I heard from it was that they did a cat scan on her brain and found a tumor. I became more distraught, and then she said the doctor told my grandma with the size and location of the tumor she may only live up to two months. I felt like my body couldn't move and anything else that my mom had said over the phone didn't register in my brain. I was shocked.. and tears didn't come to my eyes because I didn't get it, I had just been with my Grandma the week before this news and watched her laugh and actually get in her car and drive off to run errands, which she was excited for because she finally got her license back after been restricted for her to drive because of her legs. My heart instantly broke, after my mom continued to tell me that  her speech was impaired and her memory was short. It just didn't seem fair to me, that it was happening so fast. She warned me not to be shocked when I called her.. she understands everything were saying but to be aware some of her speech would not be understandable. This all seems like it was a long conversation but it was a 5 minute phone call and I had to hang up with my mom immediately.. I hate showing sad emotions to others.. she asked if I was okay, and I said "Yep, but I am going to go." I think she understood why, and let me hang up. I sat in my bed dumbfounded and was trying to let everything process until I finally let realization get the best of me. All of these memories flooded my thoughts, and as I sit in a room decorated in old hollywood, which I fell in love with when I was younger because of her. I thought about how I stayed the night with her almost every week night, when I was younger, because my mom went into work early and she babysat me. How I would sit next to her as she played the piano and would teach me one certain chord that I would play as she played the rest so we could play the song together. How we always seemed to end up watching Singin' in the rain (All time favorite musical) and laugh every time we watched the scene with Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor singing "Make em laugh", and how we would sing and dance to every song they sang. She still sometimes answers the phone and starts singing "Good morning, good morning" and I sing along with her =) ..  How her and my great uncle took me out to eat every Tuesday at the old corner cafe, and I would get a salad with poppy seed dressing, and spaghetti with one big meat ball! How she taught me how to put blush on with your lipstick so it would stay on longer. How we talked about what my wedding would be like someday, and I really do remember a certain conversation we had.. she talked about how she would help decorate it because she is an amazing artist.. and how she could see me in a fancy lace dress like the old fashion actresses would wear.. how she hoped that God would bless me with someone amazing and how she hoped he will make me smile everyday. That's what breaks my heart the most.. she has seen my brother get married. been a part of it, helped decorate it. She's gotten to meet my sisters boyfriend.. she has gotten to experience the love of two grandchildren from my brother and sister. But from me.. she won't get to be a part of any of it. I've never brought a guy over to meet my grandparents, they've never seen me care for a guy. She won't get to be there when I get to walk down the isle, she won't get to experience my children.. she won't get to watch me walk and receive my degree. Yes I know, she will watch from Heaven.. but its still heart breaking.. and as I sit here with tears streaming down my face.. I am still in disbelief. My 1st prayer to God was to make sure she didn't feel any pain, and for me to get to talk to her before her speech completely vanish. I finally got a hold of her the next day after my mom told me the news. She was right, her speech was completely mumbled. The 1st sentence she said instantly brought tears to my eyes.. the realization set in.. I sat and listened as I helped in gasps of air holding back tears. She asked me a question and I could barely answer.. I could only speak to her for 3 minutes. She started crying, and saying that she has been pleading to God that let her live to see the new grandchildren be born.. just a few more months is all she wanted. After that I told her I had to go, I felt so bad.. But I didn't want her to know I was devastated. Her last question on the phone was will you say a prayer for me, and I answered.. I already have been.. and she cried again and said Oh Andrea, I love you. I said I love you back with a very shaky voice. I told her I was going to come visit her as soon as I could, and she said I'll be here with a little spirit in her voice. I hung up the phone and tears raced down my face and my head fell to my hands. I finally believed it.. I finally understood I was going to lose my grandmother in just a short period of time. I took 2 weeks off of camp, and everyone was so supportive. LOVE everyone there. I finished out the week because they had already assigned me campers and I couldn't do that to them. So 2 days after hearing the news I worked an entire week of camp.. had the sweetest campers and that helped me forget about the heartbreak I was experiencing.. little did I know I was going to get the best gift from God! I went home and went straight to my grandma's and my mom met me at the door and told me that Grandma had been given steroids so her speech was completely back. God answered my prayer, as I walked into my grandmas house she was sitting at her piano playing a cheery tune. I had a huge smile on my face, as I still held back my tears. She turned around and gave me the biggest grin! She goes well hello! I am feeling so good today! It's been many years since I have seen her this giddy! Sadly, it took her having a brain tumor to get her back up there, but I will take it I suppose. We went back for a 2nd opinion and she decided to get a biopsy done.. and then the doctor gave her the decision between hospice care taking over now and or trying chemo and radiation. She picked chemo.. She really wants to see these little boys! Which I am exuberant about because I want her to see them more than anything! She may be sick and miserable by the time they are born but at least she will be able to see there little faces. I pray everyday and night for her.. and I have prayed for myself.. and its worked. I asked God to help me understand it all and accept it and live on. I have come to terms with eventually having to say goodbye to her, and to be happy with her until the very end. Life on earth eventually comes to and end, and I can't be upset because we really do go to a much more amazing place. I can't wait to meet her up there some day and talk about my life after her death. My wedding, my children, my husband, my career, what goals I reached in life. I trust God, and know things happen for a reason and that he is going to take such good care of her until I meet her again. But for now I am going to enjoy her and make her proud of me. I love my Grandma Irene. =)

life as of now =)

Hello =) A lot has happened since my last blog! A lot of awesome things! 1st off I have had a few people message me with feedback on my blogs and how they have helped them out, and you have no idea how much that makes me smile. No better feeling than seeing someone take in your words and jump starting them to change their lives! AWESOMEEE =)

Okay, so I went to training week for the Special needs camp I will be work at during July and half of August. Amazing isn't even the word to describe it. This camp has the most dedicated staff I have ever seen. They literally train us on everything and anything we will have to do at this camp, down the small details. They pay for everything we are required to have if we are employed there, BCI checks, First Aid and CPR training. Not to mention all the counselors I will be working with are all just awesome people. I love meeting people that I would never go up to, but when you are basically forced to interact with people who you think are similar to you, you begin to realize you have a lot of similar qualities and you end up gaining a friendship you never thought you would have! I cannot begin to tell you how privileged I feel to be working there, and cannot wait for a life changing experience with sweet people! We had a camper talk to the entire staff and he called the camp his heaven until he reaches the real deal. This man had the most sincere voice I have ever heard, and made me, ME someone who hates crying in front of others, have tears streaming down my face. He praised this camp as a haven and that he loves being there. He stated that he felt safe there, and that he would love to be there everyday if he could until the Lord calls out his name to take him home. That is where he got me, this man was in his 50's and said he had been coming to this very camp for 30 years. They must be doing something right if someone keeps coming back repetitively like that. I loved him, and had to meet him after the Q & A session, we talked baseball and other things and he was so precious. He reminded me of my Great Grandpa Bill, he had a soft sweet voice, and just had a positive outlook on life. Oh I am just tearin' up thinking about him! I just love people like that, always being thankful for everything they have been given and always positive on what is going to become of their life, or not become! Can you tell I am getting overly excited? If you would of asked me 5 years ago if I would want to give away 6 weeks of my summer to work at a camp rather than lay out and spend time with my friends..I would of laughed and said heck no, but I don't see how someone could say that now. This place is going to physically and emotionally challenge me, but it couldn't be happening in the most perfect time in my life. =)

So here is some other news, I know I stated in my last blog that I would be moving back to Lima after next year. Well.. changed my mind. I did a lot of praying and thinking.. and more praying.. and a tad bit more thinking. I feel as if Columbus is just the right fit for me right now, I was blessed with a job that enabled me to pay bills and then some by myself and Columbus opened my life to so many opportunities, this camp being one of them. So to live their for 2 years and watching my life prosper and my spirituality grow, would just be a waste if I came back to Lima. It doesn't motivate me here, I love seeing my family and friends. But even though I am very young to be saying all these things, but something is telling me to take life into my own hands. To cut off all the strings from my parents financially and just take care of myself. I want to start my life and start saving money, and doing things I want to do. I want to be responsible and be able to sit back and be proud of everything I have worked for. So to all my friends who were excited about my return, I apologize deeply! I will still only be an hour and a half away =) I just felt like God was telling me to keep my feet in Columbus, had some deep stuff with him last week. Which reminds me something I have been wanting to blog about!!! (Can you tell I think I have ADHD? My blogs are so random!)

A prayer journal!!! I have blogged about the book "One Simple Act." Awesome book, PLEASE READ IT! The Author explains the power of generosity and simple things you can do to feel the spirit work within you, and outside of you. She mentions a prayer journal in one of her chapters and says every night or at least when you are deep in prayer to jot down some of your prayers. Then months later, or however long or short you want it to be, you go back and mark your answered prayers with a different colored pen! So you can see all the prayers God has answered and you can physically see that he does answer prayers! Yes, you will have plenty unmarked prayers, but it doesn't mean he is never going to answer then. Not all prayers are answered immediately, some may take years, decades to answer. But he eventually gets to them all, or leads you on a different path to whatever the subject is of your prayer, I just thought that was a simple little thing to remind us of his power! She explains it much more deep, I really do recommend her book it opens your eyes to a lot of different things! Loved it!

Alright I am overly tired, so you all have a great night and almost weekend! I start camp this upcoming Monday so I probably won't blog for awhile! I definitely will if something huge happens and I have the urge to write! That is usually when I blog, I just get this feeling that I have to blog about something and end up doing it! So feel free to message me about anything, I love to answer all sorts of questions! I'm always open to listen!

God Bless!

Andrea Farell <3

Faith.

I feel so bad I haven't been writing on this much. I have so many people asking me to write blogs all the time. Sorry for being a let down! Does make me smile that these help so many people! (Even though some may be just venting!) Thank you for reading these, much appreciated!

Yes, its 3:30 in the morning right now.. I worked tonight. Had a rough night with testy people. But overall not such a bad night, just a flew glitches in the process! I brought my Dad some wings to his work, he is working the night shift this week from 11pm to 730! I feel bad for him cause he works by himself taking care of an entire water treatment plant! So I actually just got home from spending time with him. I never really get the time to do anything like that, it was nice. My Dad and I talked about his job and what it all entails, and it seemed like he was really interested in telling me what all he has to do. I'm glad I got the chance to sit in their and do that! That place is so interesting believe it or not! I was walking through the entire place! Go check it out when you get the chance, dorky I know, but it's a cool place to check out! My Dad and I actually talked about life tonight, very weird. He's not much of a talker, more of a watch and observe kind of guy. Never thought I'd get the chance to relate to my dad. I never realized how much a like I am to him! So glad I decided to go there tonight! My dad can be pretty cool sometimes, I guess. ;);)

Big update on my life here....
As most of you know I moved to Columbus with the intentions on receiving my Intervention Specialist license (Special Ed Teacher) at OSU. Well, plans have change and I will be back in Lima next summer. I am going to switch to Gen Ed, Early Education and then later on receive my Special Education degree. So hopefully, if everything goes my way I will be double licensed. It will awesome to have both sides of the spectrum, but I am sad that I won't be getting my special education one right away. I was definitely bummed out when I realized that I had to make this choice. I worked my butt of this year, and had one of the best grades in my Intro class. But life goes on. I am so grateful for getting the chance to live in Columbus for 2 years and get the actual college experience. I am going to live there this year and takes classes at OSU, since I had already signed a lease for an apartment with friends that I care dearly about. But after that, due to financial situations (me not wanting to take out an unneeded loan) will be moving back to Lima to finish out college! But, I will hopefully not be moving back in with my parents. Love them to death, but I could never come back and actually live there. I love being independent, and actually my life felt more organized that way. Having my apartment the way I want it to be was nice!

The point I am trying to make here, is that sometimes things won't go your way. I am not going to lie, I've been pretty torn up about not continuing with Special Ed. But I will be there someday, don't you worry! I am putting my complete faith in God, and knowing that he has a purpose for me in life. I know I will never have everything I want in life. Life wouldn't be interesting or purposeful if we were given everything.

I've had two big dreams since I've been little. I'll explain them both, so be ready for this to be long!

My 1st dream is Music. The ultimate thing that keeps me sane is being able to sing. I'm different, I know it. So with everyone's different judgments on my personality. I know they won't be able to take away my ability to sing. You can take away my pride, my good mood, my spunkieness (not a word haha), but you can't take away my voice. (Obviously you physically can, but whatever, you know what I mean.) I've always been the dramatic friend, the performer. So obviously being successful at a career in singing would be a dream. But also, I do not know if I would want all the fame and fortune. My dad said something to me about how I wouldn't be making much money being a teacher, and my response was I didn't really care about living on the high end of life. Being mediocre was okay for me, some people think I am high maintenance and to an extent I am. But come look at my closet, and add up all my new clothes compared to old clothes I have. I have wayyy more old clothes than new clothes. Some things I still own from 9th grade! I drive a 1998 sunfire, and barely by super name brand stuff! So living that way is good enough for me! So yes, I'd love to make singing a career.

My 2nd dream is to change the world with children. Everyone knows I am such a huge lover, oh if I could own daycare I'd love it. But for underprivileged children, they are the most interesting type there is. If I could choose one thing right now, that I would drop everything for.. I would do all of that to move to Africa and be a missionary there. Those infomercials they have of those children over there make me cry every time I watch them. If only the entire world could have a big heart for kids like this. How can it not break your heart seeing the people suffering over there, and questioning the works of God because of the condition. I am sure some of these people have strong faith. But you have to admit if you think of yourself in their shoes what kind of emotional roller coaster these people experience on a daily basis. Some people I know personally question their faith when something negative goes wrong in their life. As if God is supposed to make everything perfect in your life, and when it doesn't he should be questioned. I'm sure I have previously questioned things, but there comes a point in your life where you have to put your absolute faith in him, and know that he is up to amazing things! I can't even fathom all of the things he does for others. Even people living in conditions like those of 3rd world countries. Changing their frown for even 1 week would be a blessing for me, knowing that I could make their life happy when they had been devastated would be so rewarding.

Okay, I am getting to sappy and personal with this blog. By the way, one of my friend's posted a blog of her experience during her child's delivery and I thought it was so cool what she kept telling herself when she was in unbearable pain, and works with whatever situation you may be in. 2 simple sayings..

 1. This too, shall pass.
2. Be still and know that I am God.

I am just going to end this blog with those, how powerful are those. So glad I read that!

Seriously, message me on facebook if you ever have any questions. I love listening, and giving advice! Even if you just need someone to talk to and vent! I am your girl!
Hope you all have a wonderful week!
God Bless!
-- Andrea Farell <3

DISCLAIMER: These are solely my opinions on life, and are not supposed to be taken as the exact truth but just as a view.

It's been awhile..

Hello all!
It has been well over a month since I have post anything on here, and I apologize. Many of you have messaged me and have asked why I haven't posted anything. Answer is every time I get the inspiration to write one, I have something for school or have to work. Then when I end up getting time I totally forget about what it was I wanted to write. This blog will probably start out as a big mess of nothing and blabbing, but I will eventually get onto a topic! haha

Let's start with my life this past month.. been somewhat of a roller coaster! I had my 1st respite for Recreation Unlimited! I had very limited sleep that week due to some traumatic events that forced me to be back and forth in between Lima and Columbus, also had a final and a paper due that week. So I arrived at that camp without a nap that day.. and within the previous 3 days a total number of 10 hours slept. By Saturday night I was absolutely exhausted, and running a fever. But I brought it down later that night, thank gosh. I was miserable! Butttt.. would never trade that experience for the world! Got really close to some of the campers, very interesting people to say the least, and all they are looking for is someone to listen and someone who cares to listen! Never thought I could fall in love with these people in just over 3 days, sad to see some of them go, but will get to see some of these adults during the summer residential camps! Everyone there is lovely, met 3 new girls who I instantly clicked with of course, I can be friends with anyone I suppose! I love all these new opportunities I am getting to experience! Yay! =)

On a sad note, the traumatic event that I was previously talking, which most of you could probably guess.. is the death's of Kody Knight and Bryan Taylor. Now personally I was never close to any of them, got to spend a handful of my summer with Kody, and just genuinely enjoyed his presence and of course his sweet girlfriend. But what made it so traumatic was that my Best Friend Brittany, was extremely close to Kody.. Always hearing her tell me hilarious stories about him and then finally get to hang out with him. He sure was a trip, and also the Knight family has been so helpful to my cousin Becky Mitchell, while she was and still is suffering from an incurable yet somewhat treatable form of cancer. I think anyone who even knew or was acquainted with these two felt some sort of sadness. It's hard to describe the feeling of someone who is around your age dying before they even got to start their career. Brittany and I were just talking about how much fun we had with Kody and his other friends and how much we couldn't wait for more things we could get into with them! My heart sank to my stomach when I got onto Facebook and read all of the condolences on everyone's status. I instantly called Brittany, and wasn't able to make out anything she was saying. My heart broke for her, had no idea what to do or to say. I was coming home that exact day to hang out with her.. it was supposed to be a beautiful day, we planned on riding our four-wheelers. But it ended up being a rainy depressing day where I just had to sit and comfort one of my best friends, and grasp the reality of what I was feeling. I texted all of my friends, and told them how much they meant to me, and till this day I will randomly shoot a text or write on their wall on how much I love and appreciate them. So cliche, but true.. you never ever realize how precious something is to you until its taken away. But my favorite belief is that God does everything for a reason.. it was time for those 2 guys to go home! Both of the funerals were tear jerkers. Kody's was such a different feeling funeral, I have never been so connected with God than I was during that funeral. It was a praise session, and many people accepted the Lord into their hearts for the very 1st time in honor of Kody. Almost positive he had a huge smile on his face with a tear rolling down his cheek during that moment! I am typically one to never cry in front of people, but I could not hold back those tears.. so glad that made his funeral that way. He wouldn't of wanted it any other way! ahhh!! I could go on and on about that feeling!

Another recent thing going on in my life, is my Grandfather is in the hospital. We aren't sure of what it is just yet, but he hemoglobin count is severely low and he had a rash all over his body. The doctor's think its this new heart medicine he is on, but they are conducting tests on him now to figure out what is going on. I used to be devastated when I would get the call that he was back in the hospital. But there has been so many close calls with him, I have become numb to them. In a way, I thank god for doing that for me. I put myself into a severe depression the 1st time I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to him. I had never lost anyone that close to me, and thinking he was going to be gone was the worst case scenario for me. But now that I see that he has suffered so many years, I'll be content when he passes. Not only that I know that he isn't suffering, but that God now has the most amazing man in my life in his presence, and that I will get to see him again soon. I feel so bad for my Grandpa that he has to live the way he does, 1/4 of his heart working, amputated leg, difficulty breathing. But he never changes, he always jokes around (even thought most of the time hes a butthead), he always gives me kisses and hugs, always asks about me when I am gone. Which I am very arrogant to say that I am his favorite grandchild =) His faces lights up when I dramatically enter the room =) of course I do it dramatically haha, he laughs every time I do it! Boy do I love this man though!

Didn't really get much onto a topic here, just a general summary of what has been going on with me during this  past month. I promise promise promise, next week after finals I will have a motivational blog on here!! Take my word for it!! I do have a lot to write about yet! I just need to get my butt into bed, so I can start to study for finals!

Until next week!
God Bless,
Andrea Farell <3

How Great Thou Art!

This is my all time favorite song in the world. By one of my favorite artists in the world. This is also one of my mother's favorite songs, I grew up listening to this song and have it memorized like the palm of my hand. Doesn't matter how many times I watch this in one day it makes me cry every time. If I watch it back to back.. I cry twice. Haha I do not know why! This song is so powerful, and Carrie singing it makes it that much more powerful. I'm not going to write much on this post. This song speaks for it self!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and great times with your family over easter break!

God Bless You!
-- Andrea Farell <3

The Future

Hello All! Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, and that my last post had to be negative and only about my life! Had a little bit of a rough but amazing weekend! My friend Andrew came home and what a blessing he has been in my life! He challenges me with being open about my relationship with God, and I sure need that! Anyhow, I was talking with my friend Brittany just a minute ago and we had an hour conversation about what the heck we are planning on doing with our lives and why everything hasn't fallen into place just yet for us.

Let me tell you, I have shed TONS of tears over this very subject. I mean probably enough to fill up a bathtub! hehe! I wasn't blessed with the best knowledge or studying abilities. Do not get me wrong, when I buckle down and WORK at school I am a awesome student. But I get so frustrated that others are just so gifted that it comes easier to them, its unfair! But thats just how the cookie crumbles! I was blessed with a singing voice, that I have to do anything productive with out of high school sadly. My mother always says that God takes away blessings that you do not take full advantage of, so I am trying to get back into that before he takes away my most prized possession! So my point is, no one will ever know what their future entails. You can have a basic outline of it that is for sure, but you have to have details to make it complete. The only way of filling out all the "in-between things" is just living life. Put your faith in God, and led him lead you down your path to your future. Easier said than done huh? Many people contemplate what their purpose in life is, and if you are a Christian the answer should be to live the life God has proposed me to live and spread his word. But again, we have to think about the in-between details. What should my profession be? Where city would make me the most happy to live in? Who is going to be my soul mate? Why are things just not working out with this situation? There are SO many things we have to consider in life, its overwhelming. Never knew how STRESSFUL adult life is until I moved away for college. Helloooooo, that was sure a wake up call! I was living in this bubble my parents put around me and as soon as I popped that I had no idea what to do! I hope to have my life figured out, at least my profession part, by the time I am 26! That is my goal! Obviously, my passion is teaching, working with kids, and making people smile. If I can at least accomplish one of those things my life will be set. My ultimate goal in life is to travel around the world and help those in need. Omgosh, I wish I could fall into something that my whole life would be devoted to that. Have you ever fixed a broken toy for a kid, or given a homeless person money and saw the smile that lit up their face? Maybe I am just overly emotional, but that just elates me! That is the best emotion that you could ever feel, in my opinion. Better than winning the lottery or winning a big game. Seeing that you helped someone smile, maybe in time of depression or frustration, for one moment you made their world a happy place. =) ahh I am so smiley right now just thinking of it!

I've talked about this in previous posts, but here it is again. My boyfriend discussion. Never had one. Surprised? Yeah ,you and three hundred other people. I get it, it's odd! I had a friend tell me once that she had a dream about me and that God had big plans for me and that may be the reason God hasn't put a certain guy in my life. Boy did that get me thinking.. what in the world does God have in store for me? Plain old Andrea, goofy as all get out, can't keep her mind focused on one thing, and doesn't have too much to offer. What can I possibly be able to do that is considered "Big Plans"? You know what I have done after being told this? Never letting an opportunity fall out of my hands. I used to be held back in trying new things, meeting new people, doing things by myself. But I have become so independent in the past 2 years I will do anything that will allow me to experience new things or people. Getting that job this summer was just the start, I have already met new friends there. I have become friends with girls in my Special Education class that have opened my eyes to new things. I have changed my entire outlook on college, and that I can't just sit back and let it happen. I have to MAKE it happen. So, I thank you my friend for telling me that one simple story. God obviously gave you a nudge to help me in the process of succeeding in his "big plans" for me. I know one day God will put this amazing man in my life, that will help me with my relationship with God, or maybe even help that person have a relationship with God. You never know! A lot of girls getting extremely depressed over not having a boyfriend. I admit, I do sometimes talk with the man up top and ask him why I can never find just ONE person, one person that loves to be around me and want to do nice things for me. I am such a hopeless romantic, and I have all of that hopelessness balled up inside of me! It needs to get out soon its gonna explode! But until then, I'll be patient. I don't even know how to act around guys really. It's embarrassing, my friends make fun of me for it. I just honestly don't know what to do, omgosh I can't believe I am typing this stuff. haha oh well there is my blunt truth I guess. I am living life, and if a guy happens to come around then so be it! I am not going to search for the right man. He will be right in front of my face and I won't even know what is goin on when it happens! =)

I could not be more thankful for God's plan to move me here to Columbus. I have never felt more in tune with him, every negative and positive aspect that has come into my life I find myself relating it back to my learning experience with him. I moved here to get away, to become my own person and not have people judge me and make fun of me. I despised Lima with all my heart, and now have a new found appreciation for that little town. Most people come here and do the typical college life. Drink, party, have sex, do drugs, and go to college. Don't get me wrong, I drank here at the beginning of the year, but it just opened up my eyes to the reason why I don't even really like drinking. It's human nature to sin, we were doomed with the ability to sin. But God had his own son die on a cross for us, to prove that he forgives our sins. We must live and learn, and accept that we made a sin and ask god for our forgiveness. I'm not saying that I had to drink in order to learn that god forgives my sin. But I did it, and I learned something new about myself. 

My favorite verse, that I am again.. repeating in a post. I have used it probably 3 times before in previous posts, but its so blatantly true. Jeremiah 29:11 -- "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

My answer to everyones life questions.. Have FAITH, put your uttermost trust in the Lord. He will never hurt you, even if he is putting you through hell. You have to build that ladder up to heaven, and hell is where it starts. Fight through sin, Faith will get you there!

I hope this gives at least one person reading this hope that their day will get better. Life is a roller coaster, one day it will be going up, then it will plummet back to the ground, take you through twists and turns. But in the end you can always make it better. Be the bible, don't just read it. 

Have an amazing week, and may God put his hand on you and guide you through your decisions in life!

God Bless!!

-- Andrea Farell <3

Life's a roller coaster, put your FAITH in God!

Family..

I should be studying, but felt the need to write on here to express what I feel the meaning of family is. Hoping that my family will take a look at this as well. This may possibly be an extremely personal post, so which I may not post this link onto my Facebook for the entire world to see. But I am just writing as to what I feel at the moment.

Sadly, my siblings and I have never gotten along.. ever. I think maybe once every year all three of us can sit down for only about an hour an laugh our heads off without insulting each other, very rare case. Otherwise, we all are judging each others lives, making fun of their weight, their job, their looks. Yes, typical siblings but it is that times 100. Maybe it is because of the age difference, as I am 13 1/2 years younger than my brother, or maybe its because each and everyone one of us has a different mind set. I'm the open hearted sensitive one, my sister being the extremely sensitive yet hard headed one, and my brother.. the overly hard headed one. We all have different values and goals in our life. We have totally different perspectives and outlooks on what life should be about. Some have made mistakes that cannot be taken back, but yet those mistakes have brought happiness into our family. My mom is the one who is over the top sensitive, and thinks every negative thing said is attack on her, yet despite that she would stop everything going on in her life just to help you get back on your feet. As for my Grandmother, I grew very attached to her from the start because I was brought up by her when I was very young because my mom and dad had full time jobs when I wasn't in school, and instead of going to day care I stayed with her. But as years went by, I grew distant from her because of the family feuds that started unrolling. I won't get into details and I would never ever disown my Grandmother, because she is inevitably the reason why I am in Columbus and financially stable. But all I ask for from my family, is to allow God to handle our situation. No one is ever perfect, and disowning your family is NEVER okay. The bible says in  1 Timothy 5:8 -- Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Despite all the troubles we have had over the years, I continue to have faith that one day we will be able to be a happy, loving family. Notice I do not say perfect, we all have our flaws. Remember that disowning your family members, makes you an unbeliever. God sent his only son to forgive all of our sins, and he died on the cross, and excruciating pain for OUR sins, and if you cannot look over the flaws of your family members and remember all the times they have sacrificed things to help you, then God help you. Take a step back, look at your relationship with the Lord, and ask him what should you do. Don't let the work of your hands be the work of the devil. 

-- Andrea Farell <3