Saturday, September 17, 2011

Life still goes on.. :)

Sorry it's been so long since I have written anything.. a lot has been going on within the past two months.

I am finally settled into my apartment and I love it.. my room is so much bigger and I updated it just a tad bit. The apartment feels clean, and I love my roommates! =) My job is going great as always, even though sometimes I can hate it! But who doesn't get stressed out a little bit! I love all the new people there! It's a whole new generation of people asking me why I am always so happy and dancing everywhere. I love the effect I have on people when I am making a fool out of myself, anything for a smile :)

I wouldn't be this smiley right now if all of you who wrote nice comments on Facebook, or texted me about my loss of my Grandma. Just a small message of encouragement goes a LONG way. She wouldn't want me to be sad anyhow! Oh how I think about her everyday.. multiple times a day. I'll hear a song on a commercial that she used to play on the piano or from an olden movie that her and I would sing. I'll be pouring a coke at work, and remember how her house is decked out in Coca-Cola memorabilia. The hardest thing is coming into my room.. and seeing all the old Hollywood photos I have throughout my room and each one of them representing a person I fell in love with because of her. I made a picture of her and I.. cropped it and made it bigger and black and white to add to black and white pictures I have in my room. I love it =) I have one of my Grandpa too I made for his birthday last year and made a double of for him and I. =)

It still doesn't seem real, and I think for awhile it will feel like that. It's hard to process that when I drive to her house to visit my Grandpa, she won't be sitting in her recliner watching TV or playing her piano. I won't ever get to sit next to her and sing a song while she plays the piano. I won't get to watch Singin' in the rain with her like we used to about once a week when I would stay with her. I will never get to see her smile when I eventually walk down the isle.. or when I have children they won't ever get to sit on Mamal GiGi's lap. My heart has a huge hole in it, and you can never prepare yourself for it. The moment when she took her last breath with everyone sitting by her side is an indescribable feeling. I've never had anyone that close to me pass away.. and never would I of guessed she would be my 1st. I always thought it would be my Grandpa, if any of you who know him you would of thought the exact same thing. My Grandma had too much life in her.. but dang it that brain tumor got her fast. I am blessed to have spent 20 years of my life with her, I learned so much from her. Even though she could be a brat, she was such a great advocate to our Savior. She taught my mother so many lessons that were passed on to me. To give to others, to be goofy in bad situations, to help someone in need. I could never thank my Grandma enough for the things she has given me.. I would never be in college right now without her.. she would give her last piece of clothing if it meant giving me the chance to make a future for myself.

My favorite memory is when I was 8 years old, and I remember this ever so vividly. I was sitting next to her while playing her organ. I noticed a ring on her finger.. a tear drop shaped diamond with a golden band. I told her "Grandma, where did you get that ring? It's so pretty." She explained it had been her mother's who had passed away just a year before that day. She looked at me with a smile and said.. you know someday when you grow up.. I want to see this on your left hand. I want to see this on your left hand, and the person who puts it on your left hand will love you more than anything in the world. I've always admired that ring.. she wore it almost everyday. She passed away with that ring on.. and even though it caused a quarrel in the family with a big misunderstanding.. my mother now has that ring. Someday, when that someone special asks my Dad (yes I am old fashioned hehe) for my hand in marriage, I am going to honor my Grandma and Great Grandma and wear that ring on my left hand proudly. :)

I found a quote a few days after she passed away..

Seasons change, friends move away, and life goes on from day to day. Flowers fade and streams go dry and many times we wonder why. Yet we can always be assured because God tells us in his word that, unlike changes in the weather, life goes on and lasts forever. ♥

How true is that.. we question everyday why things are taken away from us.. why we hurt, why we are here..

My mother tells me all the time, to always remember we are only visitors to this Earth. We live here to be advocates of God and to live by his word until we can finally be in the place he has made for us. I learned so much from my Grandma Irene about God. Right up until her death, I talked to her on the phone just a week before she passed. She told me not to be afraid, to know she will always be by my side and that I will get to see her again someday soon. That she will be waiting for me with her arms opened wide and how excited she will be to tell me how proud she was of me. I can't wait till that day.. but until then I will constantly make her proud. 

I miss you so much Grandma Irene, I can never say that enough. I can't wait to see you soon. I know you are up there dancing with Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor, I am jealous! Tell Grandpa Ronnie that I can't wait to finally meet my mom's real father! I heard he was good looking and I have his personality :) I love you so much! =)