For once I can actually sit down and write something meaningful. I finished an exam quiz and paper, all in one day! Feel accomplished! Yay! =)
Yesterday was not how I exactly planned my day, had a few bumps in the road that caused me to leave the Library a little bit early than I originally planned. But, I think I was prepared for my exam anyway. Just me being me, and stressing out about everything.
I learned a lot about myself within the past two days that I guess no one has ever brought up to me until now. I was talking with a friend about life in general, and he told me that I am the friend who is always stressing about something. I guess that is why everyone calls me "mom". I over analyze what is going to happen, or what consequences are going to happen if I do "this". I never go out on a whim just for the heck of it. I am kind of sounding like I do not like myself. But in all honesty, that is exactly what I am comfortable with. I worry a lot. It's just a part of me, I don't think that will ever change.
I am NOT perfect. I hate when people say that, it frustrates me. Learned this first handed recently, everyone has this notion of me doing absolutely no wrong and that I am some angel. Yeah, WRONG. I have made plenty of mistakes in my past, ones I am ashamed one, but ones I do not regret. I am only human. I tend to lead a positive life, but always find that one person that I can vent to. They probably think I am some negative Nancy (sorry). But, I learned from the mistakes I made in the past. It has caused me to be stronger.
I am in this rough transition right now in my life, living on your own kind of takes a toll on you. I am extremely close to my family and even living an hour and 15 mins away from them makes me extremely homesick. I talk to my mother everyday, and try to call my brother and sister every once in awhile so I can Hi to my little nephews who are growing up way to fast! I go and visit my Grandparents every time I am home no matter what I am doing, I ALWAYS leave out time for them. I am very attached to my Grandfather. I am sure if you have read my posts before this you would understand. In which by the way, had a very successful birthday for him! It has been a great while since I last got to see him smile! He had an amazing time! I loved that! Gave him the perfect gift too!
As most of you know, and most of you do not. In my 20 years of life, I have never had a boyfriend. =/ haha yes. Please, if you did not know don't gasp, another pet peeve of mine. Makes me feel even worse about the idea. I cannot say I've never had any sort of boy show "affection" towards me. It just never became official. Reasons why this is? Well, I am not exactly sure. People say, I tend to be picky, I care "too" much, and I never take risks. The whole picky thing is not true, I don't want to call it picky. But I don't want to have make myself be attracted to a person when it isn't there in the 1st place. So, sorry that is just my way of thinking. I care too much because.. I do not really know. I just do I guess. I've never had anyone care about me in that way, so I don't really know how it feels. I talked to my best friend Brittany last night, and boy does she give some amazing advice. God is doing this to me for some reason, I mean there has to be a reason. Many times I've asked him what the heck am I doing wrong, I either end up laughing our sobbing at this point haha. But, at the end of it all. I know someday I hopefully will find that one guy who will unconditionally want me for me, my goofiness, fun-loving, singing, cheery self. Who can sometimes be super negative all at once because I usually am overflowing with happiness haha. But yes, I am positive. POSITIVE POSITIVE about everything. =) So, I'll sit and wait another 20 years if that is what it takes. =)
Well, God Bless! and sorry my whole blog thing is getting kind of just personal. Oh well. Deal with it!
Andrea Farell <3